Ah Life.

Didn't even realize that I haven't updated this in a week. It's been with good reason though, as I've been busy. Not busy in a bad way though. Not at all. I would write out everything that's happened, but I feel like everyone who needs to know what's been going on does. I will say though, that I am quite content with life at the moment.

There are several issues, unrelated to personal things, that I wanted to write about, but those will be saved for a later date. Right now I'm going to savor the eve of my day off from work.

A Rare Sting of Boredom

This is the first night in a while that I'm actually extremely bored. There is literally no one around, and I'm baffed as to why. I really hope that my week will get more exciting, although I'm quite sure that it will. That's about it for now, as I am off to attempt to deal with this mundane situation by doing something constructive.

Irony, Handcuffs, Transition

I'm glad today is Saturday, because I needed a day off from work.

Various situations of irony have consumed my life and I find it hilarious. Well maybe not consumed, but they're definitely present.

Completely unrelated, one of my managers was taken out in handcuffs from work yesterday. I didn't quite get the full story, but the story that I heard from a very reliable source makes me a bit sad. I wasn't really friends with him, but I knew him and conversed with him on a regular basis in an acquaintance sort of way, and had established in my head that he seemed to be a genuinely good person. A real family man, who may have not loved his job, but wouldn't even think about quitting unless he found a better opportunity to provide for his wife and kids. Maybe that's related to why he was arrested. Without the full story, it's difficult to judge a motive though, so I won't take this any further at the moment.

At band practice last night, I realized something. The whole band is finally coming together as more than just band members but as friends. This type of transition first occured to me in my first band, when we recruited a vocalist. At first, he would just come to practice, and all conversations between him and the band would be music related. After several months of being in the band, he assimilated into our group of friends, and stopped being just our vocalist. The same has happened in my current band. When I first joined, I was just the new drummer, but soon after, I actually became friends with the rest of the band, and hung out with them outside band practice. It seems like this process is solidifying with our new guitarist. This kind of stuff makes me fell confident in the band overall, and I honestly feel like it affects the music positively as well.

I'm also currently reading a book called Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell. It's apparently somewhat popular, but I just started reading it because of a recommendation from a friend. I'm not far into it yet, but I'll probably update with my thoughts on it later on.

Life Update

Well...where to start. So many things have happened recently. To start, I am no longer in a relationship for the first time in the last two years, and the majority of the last three. I'm not terribly disappointed, in fact I'm very glad that it ended the way it did, because it could have ended much worse. I am slightly bummed (for lack of a better word), but I'm definite filled with positive expectations for the future. These last two years were great, and I thoroughly enjoyed them. What had to happen happened, and there's no reason to live in the past. I'll definitely miss certain aspects, but I can't let these kinds of things pull me down like I've let happen in the past. I can definitely say though, that I've learned a lot, and wouldn't trade the last two years for anything.

In other news, I feel like the factor that inhibits my writing here (see three posts or so ago) is being worked on. That factor is simply that I often have a hard time explaining what I'm thinking in verbal or text form. It makes sense in my head, but I can't quite transfer it to a public realm. I can't really explain how I'm working on it, but I just have a hunch that it is and will become easier as I continue write here.

This isn't quite as important as everything else, but I also got a new computer, which I'm currently on. It's quite awesome, with it's obnoxiously large 23 inch widescreen monitor. I had my previous computer for five years before it finally died out, so I'd say I was definitely in need of a new one.

I'm also in the mindset to catch up with old friends. It just seems like the time to do so. I really don't have a clear idea of who exactly, but I'll figure that out at some point later.

I had a recent headdesk moment, it actually probably deserve two headdesks, but I'm extremely glad that I could clear it up and that the person involved was so understanding about it. Thanks.

I guess that's about it for now. Time to go play around with my new computer :-D

Change

Stuff has settled. Changes have been made. Lets see where it takes me. I'll elaborate on this much more soon.

Lack of Clever Title

So many things going on. And even more things going on in my head. I guess I could probably update better once it's all sorted out, which I have a feeling will be very soon. An ultimatum is close.

Vagueness, Fear, Positivity

There is so much currently on my mind. As I try to gather it all together, there's one thing I realized. I cannot write 100% freely here. That fact has been in the back of my head for a while, but I've only actually admitted it recently.  There is one specific factor that prevents me from doing so. If that factor were to disappear, I feel like I would write much more than just musings and daily activities. But currently, it is in place, and my writing will remain partially stifled, whether I like it or not. 

The last few days have been rough. Nothing really has happened that was all that overwhelming, I'm actually sad to say it's something that I'm partially used to, but it has been mentally exausting nonetheless. I also realized that I no longer have an outlet (specifically a person) to vent these types of issus to. As generally as I'm speaking there, I'm talking about a specific issue, and in the past I've had a person to discuss this specific type of issue with. I currently have anyone currently to with I can talk about this, or at least not someone who is at the same level that previous ones were at. This lacking is not something that is extremely important, but I'm just not used to it. I appologize for vagueness, but please refer to the above paragraph. 

Something else that I've been thinking about is that, while the last few days have been rough, I'm currently in a particularly good mood. While this may seem like a good thing, which it very well may be, it still causes me to really think about my current situation, and how/why I'm happy during a rough time. 

I'm pretty sure I've also figured out my two biggest fears. Number 1: A problem I can't solve. Number 2: Change. I've known Number 1 for a while now, but I seem to keep reinforcing it. I find it extremely difficult to back off from a problem until I solve it, even if it sometimes makes the problem worse by doing so. As for Number 2, Change is a fairly common fear, but I never really though it was something I was afraid of until recently. Ironically enough, though, I can now see it in multiple aspects of my life. Even more ironic, I usually enjoy change after it happens, but actually mustering up the courage to fulfill it is what I get hung up on. Maybe I just taught myself a lesson by writing that. 

Overall, with all that's going on, I'm not scared for once. At least not at the moment. I feel like it changes every once in a while, but I currently have no fear of the near future whatsoever. While I really don't know how things are going to turn out, I welcome the future either way. I've learned to focus on the positive aspects of life when the negative ones show up, and I have way to many positive aspects right now to let something negative pull me down, no matter how big or significant it may be.

Reading this back, I think it's my longest blog to date. It's also the most in depth and person, with is ironic when you read back my first paragraph. 

Weekend Reflection, Push, and Advertisement Loops

After playing a show Friday night, and a show Saturday night, three things happened. First, we actually got paid a significant amount for the Friday show, which is only the second time that's ever happened. Second, we played our first double set show ever on Saturday. And third, I was exhausted when I woke up for work Sunday morning. After getting through Sunday, and having the luxury of only working a five hour shift today, I finally have some time to relax. Getting ten hours of sleep last night was good too. The rest of this week should be be great. Harry Potter at midnight tomorrow, and a party with good people on Friday.

I really want to buy the movie Push. It's been out for a week and I've had the urge to see it again since it came out. I forgot how good it was the first time when I saw it in theaters, and realizing it got released last week reminded me. I have to pick that up after I cash my latest check.

There's an absolutely, terribly corny commerical currently running on the Target looped TV advertisements. As if learning the lyrics to mediocre popular songs wasn't a bad enough side effect of watching the looped TV advertisement at work, now there's an Axe commercial that makes me half crack up with laughter and half want to put my head through the TV. I can't even really describe the commercial, so just go to your local Target store, stand in the electronic section watching the TV's, and wait two minutes or so until the Axe commerical comes on. Only then will you understand. 

Beach and Decision Making

I didn't even realize that I hadn't written anything all week, since the week was relatively uneventful. 

I did realized though, I've been to the beach more this summer so far than I've been to the beach all summer long in at least the past five years. Not to say I wasn't a beach person, but I never really had a huge desire to go there. I enjoy it once I'm there, but the idea of going to the beach never sparked much interest in my head.  This is kind of odd to me, as it alludes to an idea that people (or maybe it's just me) don't know what they want, or at least can't forsee what they would want. This idea is normally more common to relationships than trivial concepts like going to the beach, but the point still stands. Humans are often incapable of accurately judging what they want, and to me, it seems like that stems from an internal battle between both 'want vs. need' and trying to find a situation that is most beneficial.

The differentiation between our wants and needs is something that has plagued human decision-making forever. Do we need this? Is it crucial to our being? Or do we just want it because it will make our being easier or more pleasurable. 

Of course someone doesn't need to go to the beach under normal circumstances, but if they want to, they would most likely weigh the idea against other things they could possibly be doing. This is similar to the Social Exchange Theory of psychology. If nothing else seems like it would be the most beneficial (bring the most pleasure), then they would probably choose to go to the beach, unless their decision is influenced by some other outside factor such as a fear of deep water or a painful memory relating to the beach. Even if it is subconscious, people almost always make decisions by considering the benefits of each choice and weighing them against each other. 

I feel like people often want to choose multiple (or even all) of the outcomes, which leads to a more difficult choice. Leading back to my original point, I think that I personally never have much motivation to go to the beach because I don't forsee it being very much fun. However, I'm usually wrong in this notion, because I almost always have fun once I'm there, providing I go with friends. In this situation, my decision-making process was clouded by an inability to predict a situation that would bring me benefit. I feel like this is a common problem among others, and probably a reason why many people (including myself) are indecisive about many things.

Montauk, Nietzsche

I finally got around to updating this. I had a great time in Montauk, specifically because I got to opportunity to relax and just let my stress dissipate. There's something about the beach that just draws the stress out of you and suffocates it under the waves. I also got to eat some divine tasting Yellowtail Flounder that I was missing since last year's trip. 

I started reading Thus Spoke Zarathustra today, a book that I've been trying to read for a while now. If you're unfamiliar with it, it's by Frederich Nietzsche. I find Nietzsche extremely interesting, specifically because everyone who either writes about him or has ample knowledge about him and his writings always feel that his deteriorated mental state was either contributed to or influenced by his writing. A man who was too intelligent for his own good hmm? Mind boggling. Either way, many of the things he had to say are concepts or ideas that almost any person with half a mind knows, but is either too blind to accept it, or is simply afraid to believe it. Nietzsche has a way of both simplifying an idea and tearing it down to the bare bones of it's meaning, while also elaborating on it and playing with several different meanings or viewpoints in order to figure out either an origin or an end. I've read that he's quite comical at times, but that most of the humor is lost when it is translated from German to English. Such a thing really drives to me to learn German at some point, so I can read his texts in their purest form. 

I'm a kabobsy twin.

Post Prelude to Montauk

I'm home, but I'm too tired to update now. It was a great time, which I'll elaborate on in the near future.